Timmy

I'm trying to decide whether I have a problem or not. An addiction maybe? Or just relying too much on the good will of volunteers.

I'm looking at… myself. Or rather, not myself, but my character, my fursuit, an opossum named Timmy. I'd come up with the character myself and commissioned some art. The first couple of drawings didn't quite click with me, but the next was nearly there, and a couple more tweaks with the next couple of artists got the pictures to match up nicely with what I'd had in my mind's eye. Later I got a matching fursuit designed, made, delivered. It fitted me perfectly, and I went a bit nuts at meets and cons. Wore myself out running around in fursuit so much, I almost burned out on the whole thing. I almost stopped wearing it at all.

Then came the offer. A fursuiter collective, they said they were. "Want your character brought to life?" They could supply a fursuiter to… well, to wear my suit for me, so that I could meet my own character. But on condition that I'd never know who the fursuiter was.

In the end, I said yes. It'd be a laugh, at least! I was a little concerned about handing an expensive costume over with no idea who was going to wear it, but they had a process for that, telling my friend Rex who it was so that he could reassure me it was someone I could trust. Rex is a good guy, so that was enough for me to be sure that at least I'd get my suit back in one piece again afterwards. Rex had to swear never to tell me who it was, though, and I had to promise not to ask him. Phew!

So anyway, my contact at this fursuiter collective, Mica, came to my room as agreed early one evening at one of the bigger cons I've been to, FurDays, and took the suit away, after I gave her the run-down of how to wear it properly. And half an hour later she turned up again, this time with Timmy in tow.

At first it was WEIRD, with a capital WEI! It was nearly like looking at myself in the mirror when I was wearing the suit, but of course when I was wearing it myself I couldn't walk round the back and check out my own tail! Mica said Timmy (and she always referred to him as Timmy) had watched me when I was out in suit, and had certainly got the gist of how I played the character. So Mica left me her number and said I could have up to two hours. Timmy and I headed down to the lobby.

Great success! Timmy clearly had a ball, playing with the other suiters much as I had done earlier, but never very far from me. I had a ball too. Lots of double takes from my friends, but I just told them "this is Timmy" when they asked who it was, revelling in the mystery of it. Timmy and I posed for a bunch of pictures — everyone I knew wanted a pic of me with the Mystery Timmy!

We headed back to my room a bit before the two-hour deadline. I was getting sleepy. Timmy never said a word the whole time, but he mimed being tired, although he didn't seem so tired he'd lost the ability to put some energy into his performance. I nearly called Mica straight away to say I was ready, then thought better of it and asked Timmy for a hug. It was honestly the best cuddle I'd had in ages and I'm so glad I put off calling Mica for a while. I stretched the moment as far as I felt I could before I picked my phone up again.

Mica knocked on the door soon afterwards to lead Timmy away. Because it was late, she said, they'd disinfect the suit, dry it overnight, and bring it back to me in the morning, and she was as good as her word. Just after I got back from breakfast the next morning she delivered the lifeless Timmy suit, neatly rolled up in its travel case like I'd showed her.

"Just let me know if you want to do it again", she said.

"Oh, do I ever", was my instant reaction. Maybe I was a little too eager?

Maybe not, because… we did it again the next day.

This time after Mica left Timmy with me I didn't go downstairs straight away. I got him to walk around the hotel room, do poses, jump, run, at least as much as we could in the limited space, and I critiqued his performance. I could see he'd watched me when I was wearing the suit and had picked up on some of my mannerisms, but I spent maybe half an hour working on the bits he hadn't quite got, until his poses were just as I would have done them and his mannerisms reflected the ones I'd come up with for Timmy when I first got the suit. When we went downstairs this time it was perhaps even better than the first time. Timmy was even more like Timmy. And my friends were still so curious. To be honest, so was I.

Fast forward to today. Arlo, a friend of Mica who took over as my contact with the fursuiter collective a few months ago, has just left Timmy with me yet again. I'm kinda losing count of how many times we've done this now — it's been a whole year, including three more cons, since the first time, but I'm loving it. I only arrived at the hotel an hour ago and I got Arlo to come and pick up the suit as soon as I'd got to my room. I'm not even planning to go down to the lobby tonight. I just unpacked a few things while I waited for Timmy, thanked Arlo as much as I could, and had the biggest Timmy-hug.

I've loved the character ever since I dreamt him up, and it was fun to wear the suit, but being with Timmy in the flesh — in the fur, even — is just the best thing. It's like having a best friend come over to visit. We're sitting on the edge of the bed and I lean right into his arms, putting my head on his shoulder and feeling his fur on my face. To pass the time I talk to him about a new video game I've been playing. He never speaks, but he always seems interested in whatever junk I say, which I guess is why I feel free to talk about whatever comes to mind.

Maybe tomorrow we'll go out on the con floor, but tonight I just want to see Timmy. I sometimes worry I'm taking advantage of the anonymous volunteer fursuiter who's bringing Timmy to life for me, but of course Arlo, and Mica before him, wouldn't keep offering another session every time if their fursuiter wasn't happy with the arrangement. I tell myself that. Timmy's performer certainly seems to enjoy themself when they are in my suit. I tell myself that, too.

After the first few times I had the anonymous fursuiter perform Timmy for me, Mica told me I could have Timmy for up to three hours instead of two, then a couple of times after Arlo took over he upped it to four. Today Arlo surprised me with the news that the limit is now six whole hours! So while I can't have Timmy overnight, tonight he can stay with me until his bedtime at eleven. Then, instead of waiting until Arlo brings the suit back to me again tomorrow to book another session, which has always meant at least half a day between seeing Timmy, I'm gonna ask Arlo to keep hold of the suit and just bring me my friend back as soon as Timmy is willing and able.

I cuddle closer into Timmy's fur and realise I'm rambling to him about nothing in particular. Timmy is nodding as if he gives a damn — although I'm sure he can't be as I'm equally sure I'm not saying anything coherent. I don't want to end up falling asleep and wasting my time with him so I unpack my console and we play Raiders out of Time together, Timmy's paws working the controller better than I remember ever being able to when I wore the suit. He darn nearly beat me in one of our PvP matches, too!

I'll have to call Arlo soon. I hope he can bring Timmy back in the morning. With a limit of six hours at a time I can't spend all day with him, but maybe I can have him with me until lunch time or so, then again for the evening? Can I… I wonder, can I do that every day of the con? Honestly I don't care if I don't get to wear the suit myself at all this con, I'd happily spend my time with Timmy just being himself. My other friends have gotten quite used to Timmy being with me once in a while — heh, how much would it blow their minds if instead of once in a while, it was almost all the time?

But I can hardly believe I'm actually going to ask for this, it seems so selfish. Whoever it is that I'm hugging right now, whoever's in my suit, putting on a performance as my best friend Timmy, they are so perfect for it. Exactly the same size as me so my fursuit fits them perfectly. They have all the little habits and mannerisms I came up with for Timmy down to a tee, and then some — I've done a few double takes myself when I notice Timmy reacting to something exactly how I would if I had been in the suit at the time. It's like being with an idealised version of myself… but oh my god, am I really that narcisistic? Or am I falling for an anonymous actor I've never even seen?

One thing I know, I don't want this to end. Losing Timmy now would be like losing my soulmate. When the con ends it's going to be a long few months until I can see him again at the next one.